that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
