Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize