Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
