DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
