if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
