the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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