then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
