I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
