Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
