I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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