Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
