I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
