i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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