We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
