I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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