My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
