you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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