If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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