i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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