But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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