i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
