I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize