i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize