That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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