I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
that is very illegal...i love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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