I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
