I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
