One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
