he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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