I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
