Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
