So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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