I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
