Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
