We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Damn victory sex feels great
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize