Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
