Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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