I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
