worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am one with the molecules
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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