All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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