And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
