I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
