A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
