Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
