I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
