I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
