Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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