forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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