Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
God, I missed his penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
