I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
