I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize