I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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