He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
