I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
