i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
