I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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