Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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