My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
