Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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