you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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