im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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