Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
