I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
