I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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