Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
