Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
