Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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