I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
