I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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