People in love make me want to vomit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize