Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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