2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My vagina just recognized that song.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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