If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i drank out of a bidet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
