Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
