i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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