you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
