hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i now understand why vodka
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
